Many people, regardless of their educational background, have the uncanny capacity to ‘Be Coach’. They are exceptional listeners, know what people need to hear to move them forward, and create an inviting place where friends and acquaintances can share their dreams and passions. Simply put they are being coach in their every day interactions.

Coaching a friend should not go without its cautions. If you’ve been looking for a coaching support structure and have been considering a friend, or you’ve thought about coaching a friend, it’s a good idea to read through the following article.

How does a coach work?

Fundamentally a coach is a resource that provides an absolutely objective viewpoint. A coach has the uncanny ability to constantly consider what is in the clients best interest. Coaches recognize that the answer to the big questions a client has are found within and that the result of coaching is always action. A coach does not push their own priorities or personal opinions into their clients minds. Most importantly, a coach recognizes when these ethical considerations are at risk of being breached.

Why is it difficult to coach a friend?

You can imagine that it is possible to coach a friend - however it becomes more and more difficult to become impartial the closer you are to that person. Here are some things to ask yourself if you are considering coaching a friend, or if you are considering getting coaching from a friend:

For the Coach

• As a coach, am I comfortable with wearing the hat of coach when we are ‘in session’ and simply being a friend when we are not?
• Coaching works best with a formal coaching structure in place. Am I comfortable writing down the terms of our arrangement and presenting it to my friend?
• Can I realistically stay objective when discussing relationships and personal items that may involve mutual interests?
• Is it possible for me to keep my thoughts and opinions out of the discussion and focus on supporting their desires?
• If coaching does not produce the desired outcome, is there in any way a risk of damaging the friendship? Am I comfortable taking that risk? If not, how might that impact the coaching?

For the Coachee

• Am I really looking for a coach, or am I looking for someone to give me their thoughts and opinions on what I am going through?
• Is the outcome that I am looking for action, or do I simply want someone to listen to me?
• Is it possible for me to segregate the coaching relationship and my personal relationship with my friend?
• What will happen if I do not have the results I am hoping for - might this damage our friendship in any way?
• Am I willing to have my friend be an accountability partner and can I commit to taking action under this relationship?
• Has my friend made it very clear to me what coaching is and what it isn’t?
• Can I separate coaching from our day to day interactions (they are not signing up to be a full time coach)?

Making it work

The questions above should give you a good idea of whether or not coaching with your friend would be something that could be a reasonable endeavor. Quite often a friend might be able to offer you very inexpensive or free coaching, so it may be a very appealing incentive. If the appeal of an inexpensive solution is very strong, make sure that you consider the questions above. Can you realistically expect that this relationship can provide the results that you are looking for, and can the coach provide the absolutely objective viewpoint that you require to move forward in the areas you are interested in progressing. Even more importantly, if that person can not remain objective, do they have the capacity to step back and stop coaching either on that topic or stop coaching all together without damaging the relationship.

If the answers are clear that you can pursue a coaching relationship - wonderful!

Friendship v. Coaching?

Coaching has become a buzz word today as more and more people are seeing its intrinsic value (and even better, seeing results). If you’ve been drawn to this article as someone that is either considering coaching a friend or considering being coached by a friend, make sure to be clear on what you are looking for. Ask yourself whether you are looking for someone to empower you to go beyond where you normally would in life, health, business, work, etc., or are you looking for a friend to get opinions from, to share experiences with, and to relate with.

Coaches have a personality, background, and training to move people forward in life. Friends are an integral part of our being and lifestyle that we all need. They provide encouragement, support, and presence in your life that a coach could not replace. If you’ve considered a friend as being your coach - be clear on what it is you are specifically trying to accomplish and given the descriptions and questions provided in this article, objectively answer if that is truly possible. If it is not, perhaps you are seeing something in the relationship with that person that they deserve acknowledgement for as you’ve even considered them to coach you!

Be Well

Written by Doug Nau, The Wellness Coach, i-grow.net