"Greatness is spawned out of abnormality" - Doug Nau

I often hear people say that they just wish that they, their family, their situation etc. was ‘normal’.  Even more frequently I find people asking me if the situation that they’ve just presented is ‘normal’ - as though I was the greatest judge!  I even caught myself using the word ‘normal’ in my latest blog article and I made a conscious decision to allow myself to use the word.  In that context it was intended to express a sentiment and give a sense to the reader that ‘all is well’.  You can read my use of the word ‘normal’ in the context of having setbacks related to reaching your goals in the article Setbacks are Normal - They Indicate Progress. 

When we know that our feelings, thoughts, and actions are normal we feel calm and soothed - particularly when we are struggling with a decision that we made or an action that we took.  As a life coach and wellness coach, I often hear clients state that they ‘want to be normal’ in one sense or the other.  Every time I hear this, I know that there is more to explore because wanting to be ‘normal’ is really an invitation to expressing one’s true dreams and desires.  In fact - everyone has a completely different definition of normal, and as you’ll see such a thing as normal does not really exist!

This article discusses the need to feel normal, the comparative nature underlying this need, and the true opportunity that presents itself when someone expresses themselves as wanting to be normal. 

The Need to Feel Normal

One could argue that all of the greatest people in the world were far from ‘normal’.  They are indeed extraordinary in terms of fame or accomplishment, perhaps in conjunction with other traits.  Regardless, many of us feel that our own (or our family/friends/associates) uniqueness is a handicap rather than a trait of exceptionality. 

When we find ourselves having an internal dialogue that wishes we were more normal, we are engaging ourselves in a dance of self pity and pessimism that is far from productive.  If you find yourself having such a discussion at this moment, use this as an opportunity to ’snap yourself out of it’.  Prove to yourself right now that you can shift from the thoughts of doubt and worry to those of opportunity and possibility.  If you are not sure how to - simply read on with an open mind.  Make sure to make distinguish ‘normal’ from other words that may actually better describe your feeling.  Its natural to have aspirations and desires based on what you’ve seen and know, this however is a far cry from wanting to be normal.  In fact, normal for one person may be absolutely bizarre to another!

The Comparative Nature of Being Normal

There are times in our life that we all wish we were more ‘normal’ in one regards or another.  Perhaps I wish my family were more normal, or that my boss were normal, or that I had a normal weight.  The problem with labeling ourselves, our friends, or our situation as ‘abnormal’ is that we are relating it to an ideal world in which we believe that there is such thing as normalcy.  We are comparing our situation to that of others rather than focusing our attention on what really matters - this is bringing what we truly want into our life.  You can imagine the energy spent focusing on trying to be normal!

When we find ourselves in the mindset that we are comparing our lives to those of others - we are enabling our ‘monkey mind’ or as others call it ‘the committee’, which is comprised of the endless chatter in our heads of our unfocused thoughts.  This chatter alone is neither good nor bad, however a conscious mind is aware of where our stray thoughts lead, and whether they empower or disempower us.  Ask yourself if the desire to be normal is an empowering or disempowering thought.  What actions will it lead to in your life?  Is that a positive action that moves you towards your dreams?

What am I really saying when say that I want to be normal?

This is a powerful question.  Ask yourself this again and again.  Become very clear what it means to you to be normal.  Does it mean that I would like to weigh 160 pounds?  Does it mean that I want to enjoy a family dinner without arguing?  Does it mean that you want to have a job that pays $50,000 per year and you want to rent my own two bedroom apartment?  Get specific - you may even notice that when you write out what normal means to you, it may seem much more accomplishable.  You may begin to see a clear path of action that can lead you to your desires.  The label of being ‘normal’ often sounds insurmountable by itself - indeed there is no way ‘normal’ can be attained!

When we begin asking ourselves what we really mean by wanting to be normal we start a productive process of calling upon our higher self.  We begin to engage our passions, our true desires, our life vision.  We shift from a process of self destruction to self creation.  We begin to live as we begin to act on these thoughts.  Our whole life shifts from wishing to building. 

For all of you reading this article that are wishing you could be normal (or know of others that are thinking this way), consider an alternative approach outlined above (and read the many additional articles on this website as a foundation to start from).  Personally, I wish my life to be far from normal.  I wish it to be unique and fulfilling.  To be consciously crafted yet open to the winds of the world.  For me, I do not know what it means to be normal.  I do however know where my aspirations lie.  I’ve developed a clear plan to turn these into a reality.  Is that normal?   I don’t know - and I don’t care. 

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Be Well

Related Articles:

• Setbacks are Normal - They Indicate Progress
• Developing the Vision

Written by Doug Nau, The Wellness Coach, i-grow.net