Isn’t it amazing how tightly we hold onto our ego? 

If you’ve wondered what the ego is, consider it as the reflection of your being which you project to the outside world.  Its the image we portray and want to be known as - regardless of whether or not it represents who we truly are.  In other words the ego is defined not necessarily as how we would like to be, but rather how we would like others to see us.  Since its only an image and not reality, its fragile, and easy to upset.  Its heavily susceptible to the pressures of society, community and peers.  As a result, its possible to drop the ego in some situations and raise it high in others!  If there were no others in this world, there would be no ego. 

The ego loves appreciation.  It loves and seeks popularity, it compares itself to the outside world and likes to be different, unique, better.  A strongly developed ego can act as a form of social control.  The pressures to conform are enormous.  We learn to think those innate desires to act in accord with the ego come from our own personal aspirations but when we look closer we see that this part of our nature is no more than a trained behavior that we were unconsciously taught as youngsters.  Our ego would be completely different if we were brought up in a different society, but the essence of who we are (deeper than the ego) would be one and the same.   

Lets take a step back for a moment.  So far this introduction has been pretty ethereal, its time to bring it back to earth by providing an example.  I am a man.  I watch a touching movie.  I am by myself at home and I am brought to tears.  I see the same movie in the theater with hundreds of people watching the same movie. I have the same emotions, I am drawn to cry but stop myself.  My ego is too big.  I have been socially programmed not to show my emotion.  I am resisting my natural impulse - my true person, and not really allowing myself to be who I am. 

We all have different ways the ego shows up.  Is it being afraid to hold your girlfriend’s hand in front of the guys, perhaps its not playing ball because you think you are not good enough and are too macho to show that.  Maybe it is your incessant need to be right under all circumstances (even when you know you are wrong!).  Women - don’t think you are exempt either.  Your ego’s are every bit as developed as men.  Do you need to get your makeup done just right before going out so you look great for the guys (and girls)?  Are you shopping to have the latest and greatest to show off to your friends?  Are you unfriendly with people in the wrong ‘click’?  It may show up in different ways, but we all hold close our ego.

Sidelining the Ego

You’re probably reading the introduction above thinking about what an ugly thing this ego is.  After all I am not painting a pretty picture of it here.  In these examples its not hard to imaging why one would want to disassociate themselves from their ego.  After all - it does not make sense to hold onto something that has so much control of the actions you take, particularly when those actions may not be in alignment with what you really want.  Letting go of the ego however is more easily said than done.  It takes a lifetime of conscious practice.  The ego will always be there - it does not fade away.  Even for the most skilled it waits at the sideline ready to enter the game.  Its our job to make a play by play decision as to whether or not we should sub him in.  Far too often he’s in the starting lineup and has taken over the game!

Does letting go of the ego mean letting go of my identity?  What would it be like if everyone truly knew who I was?  Can I let others that closely to my world?  What would my friends and family think if my life changed today?  How could it possibly benefit me by laying down my defenses?  Why would I want to let go of my ego?  If any of these questions came to your mind, ask yourself if it is you or your ego doing the thinking right now.  Become aware of how the ego shows up for you.  Ask your heart, your soul, your inner self (that part of us we don’t have an adequate term for) what it wants and if its willing to experience life on its terms.  Life is sweet when our actions are in alignment with our true self.

Success and the Ego

Many definitions of success are fueled by the ego.  Ask yourself if success demonstrated by material possession is fueling a need, a passion, or the ego.  If you’ve read other articles on my website, clearly you’ll see that I have no qualms with creating more abundance in ones life.  In fact my most popular article series 10 Steps to Success is written as step by step guide for creating more abundance in your life.  It begins by defining success - and to be very clear, it is possible to define success in a way consistent with a lifestyle that supports letting go of the ego.  We become successful because it allows us to express our true selves, because it creates a better community, because we are truly happy inside with the lifestyle success breeds.  Our judge for success becomes our soul rather than our neighbor.  When we are our own judge, our own motivation, we are acting from our hearts rather than to create an image for the world to see. 

Summary

The ego is the image we portray to the outside world which represents how we would like for others to see us.  It is not who we are and is in fact created mostly by the culture that we are brought up in.  It is fragile, sensitive and defensive.  The ego is our defense mechanism, the wall that keeps others from seeing who we truly are.  As a result it may prevent us from acting in accord with who we truly are.  This keeps us from achieving what we truly want. 

Living life to the fullest at times may require that we dismantle our ego.  That we let down our defenses, that we open ourselves up for change, for failure, and for success.  Building a successful life as someone else has defined it provides no true fulfillment, no true satisfaction.  When we are in touch with and comfortable with our true selves, our need to display the ego subsides.  Its a continual journey of personal growth and self discovery.

Ask yourself where your ego has held you back.  Be conscious of the image you portray to others - is it what you want to portray deep down inside?  If not, search your soul for truth, get to know who you are, become conscious and be willing to accept that your life may be much better if you simply allow yourself to be who you are.

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Be Well

Related Articles:

• 10 Steps to Success
• 10 Steps to Success - Step 9 Consciously Learn, Evolve and Grow

Written by Doug Nau, The Wellness Coach, i-grow.net