We’re beginning to see a subtle shift in the self help industry which I am particularly pleased with.  Self help has historically had the stigma of being affiliated with correcting problems that an individual is experiencing.  The name of the movement itself seems to indicate that someone needs ‘help’ and is in some way ‘damaged goods’. 

The positive psychology movement and with it the introduction of life, business, and wellness coaches (among others) has taken the term self help and correctly relabeled much of this work as self improvement.  This is a label that even those of us with great machismo can stomach! 

Why is Self Help going away?

Don’t get me wrong – self help content will always be there, but my prediction is that within the next decade, the majority of this work will be labeled self improvement.  There’s a few reasons.  Firstly, there is more recognition today that people regardless of their ‘flaws’, are truly whole and complete.  Just because someone does not fit into the mainstream model of what society deems as ‘normal’ does not mean that they need help or to be changed.  The positive psychology movement might actually support that person in finding the strengths that they have because they are not the norm. 

If you consider the changes in the past century in the United States alone, we’ve evolved dramatically in our ways of thinking in terms of race, gender, acceptance of sexual preference, other societal prejudices and what I like to call ‘foregone conclusions’.  We are by no means perfect, but tolerance, acceptance and open mindedness are more prevalent than they have ever been in the past.  The internet, worldwide business exposure, travel, and general curiosity of today’s civilization is driving us to better understand and appreciate others of many different backgrounds not identical to our own. 

With this comes the understanding that while at times I may need help and support (ie: can you help me through my sibling’s passing), the underlying core nature of who I am as a person is nevertheless unflawed, whole and complete.  The question is not - what one can do to help me get better?  its actually, what skills can I improve to align my actions more fully with that which I’d like to express in life?  See the difference?  Self help is rooted in correcting problems, self improvement is rooted in growing capabilities.

The Challenge of Self Acceptance

The biggest challenge facing the societal perspective shift from help to improvement is that individuals feel broken.  The underlying problem is a lack of of self acceptance.  While its healthy to have goals, dreams, a vision and aspirations that drive you forward in life, it is without question unhealthy to live a life in which is transfixed on a time which is not here yet (and never seems to come).  John Lennon had a fantastic quote that embodies this principle:

“Life is what is happening when you are making other plans”

Many people misinterpret what self acceptance means.  Self acceptance does not mean that one needs to succumb to their current life situation and accept that as their dreary and dismal future.  Self acceptance does mean that one can make peace with themselves in the moment.  That regardless of one’s life situation, there is an underlying understanding that life itself (most easily expressed through mood, temperament, attitude, etc in the moment), need not be influenced by these external forces.  I often think to myself when I meet with coaching clients that in this moment so little separates us.  We sit in the same office, we are having the same conversation, in general are feeling the same physical sensations of warmth etc – yet our personal experience may be so different.  This experience is a reflection of one’s own self acceptance and capacity to exist in the moment. 

Only those that have not fully grasped self acceptance proclaim that they need ‘help’.  Self acceptance of course is the choice which you alone can make.  Be part of the self improvement movement, improve your skills and throw away the desire to change yourself.

Be Well

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