Why But Doesn’t Work

Personal growth pundits have spent a lot of time belaboring the point that we should not use the word ‘but’ particularly when managing employees.  Why?  The argument is that the word but has the effect of negating anything that preceded it in the sentence.  So, for example,  one might say:

I really like the work you are doing, but your communication skills could use some improvement.

If you hear such a ‘compliment’ where does your attention go?  Of course, we naturally hear whatever was said after the but and any good words mentioned before the statement quickly fall off the radar.  What’s the alternative?

Using And as an Alternative

Most business coaches, management coaches and life coaches will suggest the age old strategy of using the word And instead of But.  So, your re-worded sentence from above may sound something like this:

I really like the work you are doing, and the one area we can look into improving is your communication skills.

What do you notice about the sentence above?  Most people will notice the inclusivity. That the manager recognizes the good work that they are doing and is also pointing out areas that can be improved on.  The result – communicating the same information while providing a spaciousness for further discussion and an acknowledgement for what is being done well.  If you find yourself wanting to use the word but, ask yourself if deep down inside what the message is that you want to communicate.  If you hear yourself say it out loud and it doesn’t sound right, consider retracting the statement with an apology. 

Does it Really Matter? What should I look out for?

When I first heard this strategy about 5 years ago, it was totally new to me.  Since then, I’ve heard it suggested numerous times.  About that same time, I also made a conscious choice to really listen to the words I use, particularly in the work environment - and ‘but’ was one word on my black list.  I didn’t condemn myself if I slipped and used it, rather I used the response as a learning opportunity.  What I found was quite interesting: 

• Using the word ‘and’ really works when you are trying to convey multiple messages giving equal weight to each of them. 
• Overall, the word ‘but’ is not a bad word and does have its place.  In fact its quite a powerful word when a strong message needs to be sent.  It can communicate frustration, a real need, and stick a point home.  It’s OK to use the word, just make sure to use it consciously.
• I’ve been very conscious about using the word ‘but’ in my writing as well.  In fact, any time I see it, I have a double-take, asking myself if that’s really the message I want to convey – quite often, its easily and more meaningfully replaced with and.  My words become more powerful and appropriate with this simple switch. 
• Being overly careful to avoid the word can be a mistake as well.  I have met people that embrace the ‘and only’ approach to sentence structure and sometimes they struggle to say what they want.  I commend them for their conscious approach to the words they use, but sometimes (like right now) using but is what you really do want to say.
• Finally, there are some conversations that are trivial and light hearted and the use of the word but just simply doesn’t matter.  Imagine if you are shopping and say – I like the red jacket, but the green one is fantastic.  Really, who cares if you slip a but in there – in fact the saleswoman is probably thrilled that you’ve been so clear as to your true preferences.  The message – staying away from ‘but’ is a good rule of thumb, but there’s no reason to take it too far (there it is again!).

Be Well

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